I’ve been trying to piece together the words to express my gratitude for another year of life.

I feel like this past year was a whirlwind…and here we are…another birthday and another year gone by that I’m grateful that God has kept me. This past year was different. I think I’ve withstood some of the hardest character building tests this year…sheesh.

There have been so many lessons this year: trust, forgiveness, hard conversations, betrayal, Spiritual growth, and understanding to name a few…

I think the lesson that had the most impact on me was releasing everything that you thought should be to God. COMPLETE trust. SO many moments of letting all my truth ooze out into a big pile mixed with weeping and frustration was my “nakedness” in those hard moments.

2021 started out with my daughter having a seizure OUT OF NOWHERE…and then two more within the next few weeks after the initial one…I’ve never felt more helpless. I literally had moments where i was like, “Hey God….REALLY???” And during that space where I was going through this experience with my child where we all needed love and support the most, I had someone try to railroad my good name. Imagine? smh. I felt like Job…I wanted to rip my clothes apart and sit in the dark for a moment and commiserate.

This past year was my Job year. I was just having a conversation with my mentor this week that my bed pillows know all of my hard truths. My pillows have quieted the groans of tears and pain…my pillows have caught the tears that have rolled down my face in the midnight hour…my pillows have cradled my head and body when anxiety tried to shake me in them wee hours of the morning.

My pillows have heard my raw, unfiltered, unapologetic conversations with God. My Job conversations…

The last few months I’ve become aware how real life is and how important it is to surround myself with people who speak life to my future. People who speak love louder than the voices that remind me of all my failures.

Man, there have been so many failures…

But in the midst of the rubble, I realized that God has equipped me with the capacity and grace to love people who are broken, hurting, and lost…back to life…then I have the wherewithal to pour some of that love back onto me and into me…and let God heal every part of me that has been devastated. And so far, I’ve been blooming…the internal transformation has been palpable.

I am blessed. I am prepared. I am positively embracing all that God has bestowed upon me for this present moment and this time, I’m so in tune and aware of it ALL. I see the flowers and the trees and I see so much beauty EVERYWHERE.

I see so much love ALL AROUND me, finally.

I’ve with my one shot to “be”.

Here goes nothing…

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I thought it was real

But it never was.

love came and left faster than it took

Spiritually fed

Supernaturally divine

I realized the love that I was missing all along

was mine.

I no longer look at ME with eyes of disappointment.

I finally see my worth

I finally see that I’m worth it.

I’m worth being loved openly.

I thank my past for the humiliation

I thank my past for the gaslighting, worry, and chaos…

I needed to see how dark and painful that “love” was to finally let go.

I’m living now with eyes wide open

facing this big world with big vision, ready for impact…

aware that I’m limited edition, vintage…beautiful mind, beautiful heart…a boss and a servant.

I can’t lie, I’m missing my dad like never before

wishing that I could talk to him and tell him about my life…

I miss splitting a Snicker bar with him…

wish I could show him how I’m walking into this new chapter ready…

and yet, having a good bit of life and understanding underneath my belt…I’m ready to truly reciprocate

knowing that I’m already seen

knowing that I’m already chosen

knowing that I am enough.

unapologetically me.

flaws and ALL.

Grace has kept me, grace is keeping me.…

love has me covered.

Cheers to my +1…