truth is...
it all started before i got here.
the truth of who i was had conceptualized long before my birth
the way that i came into the world colored my steps and every way that i thought about my very existence.
she said “God must have wanted you here, because there was ONE chance that allowed you to be possible..”
but i had always known that story.
never before, have i understood the depth of what it meant for my life…
for Jacob’s life…for Joseph’s life, for Moses’s life, for my children…
do you understand the kind of thoughts a person internalizes about themselves
based on the formative, foundational years of their life?
do you know how to describe someone’s sentiments of feeling less-than or “bad”…
when it was the environment, the silent thoughts, and the microaggressive ways in which they were raised?
Imagine a child proving that they are worthy of love and good intentions?
a child.
now imagine that same child, now adult, still living and growing
yet being marked by these same stigmas.
the truth is, finally, i understand why i accepted little for so long.
the way i conceptualized who i was and everything that i was created to be was SO wrong.
it was wrong.
had i truly understood that my very existence, was foreordained…predestined…called into being.
not only am i chosen, i am, because He Is.
i loved people who were filled with horrible things because i have a unique ability to see past the external and to find celebration in the broken parts.
i was preferring others who, as patterned by my pre-earth arrival, saw me as unworthy and/or foolish.
i loved people, not because they were perfect, but because, like myself, love deserved a chance.
the truth is, i was worthy all along.
the truth is, i lived way beneath my privilege too long.
the truth is, God had to use the pit to teach me humility
so that when i became who i am, i wouldn’t have a “God complex” with those around me.
it’s truly why i can bless those who curse me.
i can pray for those who have preyed on my naivete
it’s why i can humble myself to both forgive and ask for forgiveness, because the grace i desire must always be the grace i readily am able to serve.
God taught me how to serve, how to return love when im spat on, 70x7…when I sought the love and protection from people who saw the flaws to capitalize off of them.
the truth is, when you’ve been wronged, lied to, crossed over, looked down upon, rejected, humiliated, villainized, harassed, manipulated, and played with…people see you as common.
and how far from the truth is that?!
the truth is, some people will never change, but you owe it to yourself to pivot
you owe it to yourself to bury the past and the pain and surround yourself in the truths of who God says that you are.
Joseph made up in his mind to forgive.
not for him, but because he finally saw how it all worked out for his good.
he finally saw how the process actually fulfilled the dream.
their lies, games, manipulations, deceit, and betrayal did not change the trajectory of his future.
the truth is, it had to happen.
it has to happen, believe this.
the horrible things that happened to you, had to.
and the truth is, is that you and I are and will be all the better for it.
There’s truth in your pain, have you taken the time to look inward?