6.16

not sure if it’s supposed to feel like this…

This space between before and after has softened me.

And I mean soft as in the vulnerability that I’ve needed to be honest with the trauma of all the before but able to fall into the ambiguity and space for a hopeful after.

I don’t define myself as strong because of what I survived. I define my strength by what I’ve been able to forgive.

And it started with me.

I gave the gift of forgiveness to myself first.

Then I went on a spree. lol

If I had known that the journey of forgiveness would have unlocked the door to my freedom, peace, and an unreal level of favor…I would have worked harder at it a long time ago.

now, I’m not sure if you remember the piece a wrote a few years ago entitled “Radio” (I think that’s the name?) but I still can’t listen to certain artists or turn on the radio…it’s getting better slowly.

Just the other day I put on Alex Isley’s Such a Thing and instantly resonated with “just one year ago you couldn’t have told me that this was apart of my plans…”

A year ago I was gaining my footing after devastation.

Fresh off an island vacation, I had a renewed sense of self…yet, the healing for me was just getting started.

The other day I was having a conversation about what things are important to me in my life right now…

After listing forgiveness, I talked about the importance of my motherhood journey…I also talked about wanting to experience real love…something I never have experienced.

I talked about the importance of being protected, celebrated, respected, seen, and valued…things that I’ve yearned for and I seemingly “never experienced”.

Then I began to think about how I actually am finally being celebrated, respected, seen, heard, valued, and sought after…

Finally.

And who would have thought that the answers I was looking for would have been found in finally letting go of what I thought I wanted.

Life is so much better now…and it’s been great for a lil while now…but now, it’s amazing. SO amazing.

I am on track to leaving earth empty and void of all the dreams given to me and accomplishments I wished to incur.

I’m going to be working on sharing more of my heart in these blog posts coming soon…so look out for that and some other cool things soon.

Thanks for always taking a few moments to support each facet of me. <3

With love and appreciation,

mj