i am enough.

“Who told you that you were naked?” 

-God

As found in Genesis 3:11 KJV

Who told you that you weren’t good enough?

I can’t pinpoint exactly…but somewhere in my foundation as a youth, I was beguiled into believing that I wasn’t enough.

Maybe it was being chubby.

Maybe it was the braces.

Maybe it was the preteen/teenage acne.

Maybe it was being too opinionated.

I’m not sure…but somewhere in those formative years, there had to be something that made me believe that I just wasn’t good enough…and to be honest, I believed it for a large portion of my young adult years.

It colored EVERY decision that I made: who I dated, who I became friends with, who I married, where I worked, what I studied…and it wasn’t until I began the intimate work of letting God’s love into my heart fully, that the foundation of the lie began to crumble.

Those years of work were tedious. What it actually did was make me start looking introspectively into my own principles of faith and simple belief in God. Belief in who God said that I was and belief in who God is.

Simply put, God is my Father and there is no place that I can run to, no thing that I could do, that could deter His love or concern for my life. I ONLY had the power to believe in His love and accept it. Whether I accept it or not, it does not change how He feels about me. WHOA!

THAT concept kept me up at night for a few years…it’s how the concept of inPursuitofShe began…I was stuck in a cycle of failing, getting up, believing, failing again; which meant that I too was getting caught up in relationships with men who loved me for the version of me that benefitted them and not for loving every place that I considered unlovable.

And somewhere during this pandemic, somewhere in my new set of vows that I made before God, I let go.

I let go of every desire for what I wanted and that was outside of of what God wants for my life. Every dream, every desire, every relationship, every in-progress pursuit…EV-ER-Y-THING. Every wish of who I should’ve been, of what I thought I wanted…and I gave God the permission and invitation to redesign my heart and my desires. And He gave me a new set of desires…a new contentment.

All in all, I wanted to finally believe and be who God said I was.

So, in faith, I had to let go of every lie about myself that I had ever believed and I had to believe that I was ENOUGH.

Waist beads won’t make me sexy enough.

Bundles, waist trainers, and weight loss teas won’t make my outer appearance enough.

A perfect credit score won’t make me financially secure enough.

A new job or promotion won’t make me wealthy enough.

Falling, standing, or being in love won’t fulfill my truest heart’s desires..

Love spells, word curses, or ultimatums won’t make any man love me enough.

“Fat girl love” won’t make me lovable enough. (ha!)

Any of my good deeds won’t even make me enough.

Big thighs, a tiny waist, and flawless skin won’t make me enough.

Yoga, lighting candles, and t-shirts with hip slogans won’t make me enough.

Being a “ride or die” won’t make me enough.

Two Masters degrees and a dope network in academia won’t make me enough.

Stock options, being a CEO, owning my own business won’t make me enough.

I could write fifty books…I could sing at every open mic…I could write songs that the whole world will sing…

I could give you the shirt off of my back…I could fast and pray and consecrate my entire life.

It wouldn’t be enough.

Only belief.

Believing that you are enough IS enough.

Believing that what you have to offer, is so uniquely you, that just ANYONE wanting proximity to that sacred space is almost comical…is ENOUGH.

Beloved.

You are enough.

And I’m not sure exactly when it happened. All I know is that somewhere in me asking Him to help me see what He sees in me, it happened.

And I fell in love. HARD.

I never knew the peace you could have by turning down everything you once fought to have.

I laid down everything that was ever said to make me disbelieve in His love.

I cry at the beauty of this love. No lie. It’s awe-mazing.

And now I know this: if ANYTHING is to come into my life to stay, it’s gotta mirror THIS consistent persistence to remind me that I am enough.

Wholly.

Selah.