this is 35...

I was thinking a lot about how I wanted to enter my 35th year of life. Fortunately/Unfortunately? COVID-19 totally rearranged the plans that I had to commemorate this special occasion.

The weeks leading up to my birthday were some of the most grueling, gut-wrenching, laborious, eye-opening weeks of my life. And the big day kept getting closer and closer until…it was here.

Never before in my life, have I entered a new year with such clarity and peace. In the minutes leading up to midnight, I closed my eyes and thanked God for keeping me the previous 34 years. I began to think about all the times that I spent sad, angry, or wrestled with feeling unloved, agonizing over where I fit in; longing for the day that it would all make sense.

And at midnight it did .It was almost Biblical. I turned on Korey Mickie’s “Survivors Praise” and I began to praise God and I felt the chains being loosed. I began to remember teach time I survived. The more I praised God, the more I felt the release from everything that no longer served me.

This praise marked the commencement of the next years of: happiness, peace, real, reciprocal, and healthy love, advancement, acquisitions, and purpose. There are things that I never thought I’d go through…there were things that I thought that I was over…for years. And in the last few months, God worked ALL of them out perfectly.

God I thank you for grace and mercy.

I thank you for keeping me time and time again.

You’re the God of many chances am I am a recipient of them.

You gave life for me and may this year be the year of the evidence of the vows I’ve made to You in the silent places, the valleys, and the mountaintops.

Thank You for teaching me the beauty of the Valley.

You’ve been and continue to be a promise keeper to me and I trust You to continue restoring every moment that the canker worm stole…

I see you restoring relationships now, starting with strengthening the one with You.

I feel You replenishing and adding years to my life in goodness and mercy, allowing them to follow me all of my days.

I hear You calling my name towards the preparation of purpose. May my feet continually be guided by Your Word.

I am grateful for every mistake that led me to this day.

It’s true what Your Word said about the steps of a righteous man being ordered…but God, there were times that I wasn’t righteous, matter of fact, I never have been, so thank You that the weapons that were formed, that I deserved, didn’t work.

Thank you that You’ve given me power over the adversary and thank You that the fight is fixed.

Thank You for the victory. We sing that it belongs to You, but You gave some to David over Goliath and You gave some to Moses over Pharaoh and the army and so on. So, God I thank You that I too, share some of that same victory.

Singing that if You could do it before, You’re the SAME God that can do it again.

Thank You for being mmmmmmGOOD to me.

Thank You for this next phase of life.

Thank You for softening every edge and breaking me down to my bare bones…not to hurt me, but to help me. You’re an awesome Father.

Thank You that the sufferings that I’ve endured truly will not be worthy to be compared to the glory that shall be revealed.

THANK YOU!

Thank You that my enemies did not, will not, and can not triumph over me!

Thank you for fortifying me and allowing miracles, signs, and wonders to follow my life.

I did know the crushing that I would have experienced, but Your Word says that it was good for me to be afflicted…that I might learn Thy statutes.

Thank You for each promise kept and the ones to be fulfilled that are along the way.

And lastly, thank You for the confidence that I am walking in that causes me to make better decisions for my life, for my now, for my future.

Thank You for teaching me the consequences of living in fear. Fear of not being loved enough. Fear of not being “chosen”…fear of not being understood…fear of success.

Forgive me Lord, for not believing who You said I was and would be.

Now I know, that You are the ONLY approval I’ll ever need.

So now my head is lifted high.

I walk in the humility and compassion that You desire for me.

The love that I stand in today is rich and fail-proof.

With You I’m unstoppable.

You, who loves me endlessly.

The carrier of my heart.

The fixer of my wounds.

The mender of broken hearts.

The countenance lifter.

The burden buster.

My God.

Valiant.

All-knowing.

Thanks for loving me ratchet.

Thanks for loving me naked.

Thanks for loving me broken and making me beautiful again…inside out.

Thanks for showing me what love was not.

Thank You God for breaking my heart over and over again…My Potter, I was marred in Your hands, but now, You’ve made me new…and I’m forever grateful.

Thank You.

This is 35.

xoxo,

marissa